Black and White

I’m not going to go through all the things they did to me. I’m going to tell about the one, most horrific thing they did to me.

I had already lost the track of time. I didn't know how many days or weeks I had spent there. There was a clock on the wall I saw. I knew that when it was 7 a.m., they got in. Before 8 a.m. they took me from my cage to the other room. They brought me back to my cage at 5 p.m. I counted minutes and seconds on the table. It distracted me. Smaller pains I tried to ignore. But the day they destroyed some of my sight, that I couldn't ignore.

They took me to the examination room just like always. They had decided to examine my brain, apparently. My body was tied motionless. The first time they cut my head open was terrible. I tried to scream, I tried to get away. The wound closed quickly, but they did it again and did something that it would stay open. I couldn't move or fight. The pain was indescribable. I closed my eyes. Then I opened them. The red hot pain had blinded me. I saw the people there, staring at my eyes. I could felt the other people doing something in my head. They poked around. They talked constantly. The people I saw nodded. I stared at their eyes. Their mouths and noses were covered, so I could only try to memorize their eyes. I decided, at that moment, that if I ever got free, if I ever left the place alive, I would return. I would return and make these people suffer.

It had taken a lot of time. I had lost consciousness several times during the procedure, so I wasn't sure how long it had taken. The same people kept my eyes open, showed light to my eyes and made notes. Then, suddenly, something happened. The people yelled something, I felt something snap inside my skull, and the colors faded. I couldn't see colors anymore. The world had changed into black and white and shades of grey. The pain was enormous. I tried to scream again. I couldn't move. People seemed agitated. I felt the pain more than ever. They removed their things from my head, and I felt the wound close. The pain stayed. It didn't fade away like normally. They put me to sleep again, and I woke up in my cage. The pain in my head was overwhelming. I couldn't stand, I lay down. I let my head touch the floor between my paws, I closed my eyes and wished I was dead.

They didn't do anything to me the next day. I got to be on my own for four days. The pain was still there, when they took me back to the room. They examined me and took me back to the cage. I was weak. I couldn't fight or attack, I just wanted to sleep. The pain in my head made me want to die. It was different. I didn't have any wounds, I didn't bleed. They had broken something in my head, because I didn't see the colors anymore.

After two weeks the pain was just a faded memory. They examined me daily, but didn't cause any more pain. I still felt something strange in my head, but it was just a shadow of the red hot pain I had felt earlier. I had memorized the peoples eyes. I would know them anywhere. All the small details, all the shades of gray. I also memorized their voices. I wasn't sure which words meant their names, but I recognized the voices rooms away. I knew I was going to die in the laboratory. I wasn't ready to go alone. I decided to try to wait for a right moment to attack. I was weak, but my spirit was strong, still. They could take away my freedom, but they could never take away my spirit.