I was contacted one day. We had a job. I was happy to accept, I had started to get bored on hating metahumans and talking about kicking their ass and dreaming about the world without magic and metahumans. I agreed to a meeting and went there, happy for some other activities than training my followers and being a leader.
We met one new person in our team. I don’t know if anyone knew her, but she seemed professional enough to fit in our team. She used rifles and seemed to know something about first aid.
Our job was to kidnap this cook and transport him to the elf-nation, Tir Tairngire. I don’t know much about that, only that only elves are allowed there. Well, humans and other races too, if they apply for some permits, but only for a few days. Elves there seem to think they are better people, and don’t want to interact with other races. Well, I have heard about a dragon that decided to move there. No one disagreed, even though I don’t think they liked that, they just had to accept. Dragons are interesting like that. If they want something, no one dares to oppose. I would like to hear the Humanis Policlubs’ plan to destroy the dragons, because they are magical beings.
We made a plan to take the cook when he was in some round-trip on a blimp. He wanted to be kidnapped, so he was going to make our job easy. Or so we thought. Apparently the cook had a long contract in Seattle, and he wasn’t able to get out easily. So the only choice was to kidnap him and take him to his new employers. I didn’t know cooks were so valuable.
Our contact told us the cooks schedule, and that when the blimp would be close to Tir Tairngire, the cook would be in position. Still easy, right?
We were “hired” to be waiters in the blimp. We had choices too. We could either dress up like chickens or like pigs. We chose chickens. Our job was to do waitering there, to other customers, and when the position was good, do our real job and grab the cook, take an escape pod and go to Tir. Still easy.
We packed up, I tried to find out if Humanis Policlub needed some information or something from Tir, but apparently they weren't that organized. Or how would I know, I’m just a small leader. I have no idea what the big leaders are planning. Maybe I should try and climb there…
In the blimp we looked around carefully. We needed to get to know the premises, and make final plans for the kidnapping. There wasn't much to plan though. Just routes to check and waitering to be done.
There were other waiters as well. They were dressed as pigs. They handled the other side of the restaurant.
I found it quite difficult to move around and do a job I had never done before in my chicken-suit. I stumbled around a bit, but managed to do my job decently. Some of us pointed out that the pigs didn’t do much better job than us. But Bobby seemed to do the worst job. He didn’t seem to know where his limbs were. Good thing he didn’t attract too much attention, because he was in his chicken-suit.
At some point someone noticed some weird sounds in the engine room. Nerdy went there with one of the employees of the blimp to check the engines. One of the employees was found dead. He had a knife through his head, if I remember correctly. We never caught the person responsible though. Shrew told her spirit to go inside one air-vent. It went there and died. We didn’t know the reason, but Shrew would find out after one month. That thing in the vent would make some problems to them later on. I thought about climbing there myself, but it seemed too small for me. I wouldn't have been able to do anything but tremble and be terrified. And if there was some creature that I had to fight against I would've gotten my ass kicked.
The trip took ages. We had a chance to eat something from the kitchen. I asked for a raw steak. They didn’t give me a raw steak. They gave me a meal with raw steak covered in some spices and oil. It smelled terrible. I washed all the spices off as well as I could and ate the steak. It tasted a bit watery. And it also tasted like spices. I didn’t like people ruining good meat.
When the blimp was in its position we took the cook and left. We also left our chicken-suits in the dressing room. The cook came voluntarily with us. Still seemed easy.
My memories about the fight and the capture and things are a bit hazy. I think it went something like this though.
The pigs were some other team trying to kidnap the cook to another place. Apparently to some tribe-country. The team consisted of orcs, so I think it’s safe to assume the tribe was some orc-tribe.
We had to wrestle our way to the cook. And then there was one other team. They seemed really strong, running around shooting people on the head with their pistols.
The cook was in the pod, we had killed all the orcs and Shrew had tried to summon a big spirit which had gotten out of control. It raised a bit of hell there, others were fighting and suddenly Shrew told the spirit to carry me to the pod departing the blimp. Well, it was the only way to get our money. I didn’t like the idea of falling but I decided to jump anyway. I managed to climb through a broken window, ready to kick ass. We didn’t know whether the cook was alone or not. But he was.
I climbed to the front seat and noticed the thing was flying somewhere it wasn't supposed to fly. Others contacted me through the radio and told me what I should do to change direction. I unfortunately had never driven that kind of thing, and it was a bit too small and I was sweating and feeling terrified. I tried to make the cook to program the thing to drive to Tir, but he seemed to be worse than me. So I tried to push all the terror out from my mind and do what I was instructed to do.
I managed to make the thing turn and go to Tir. I was quite satisfied, for a second. I felt terribly trapped, horrified and all. I wanted to get out. I tried to distract myself with talking with the cook. It made me want to bash his nose in and throw him off the thing.
The cook was full of himself, stupid, arrogant, annoying. If I wasn't supposed to bring him to Tir alive I would’ve at least bashed his head on the window a few times. He was an asshole.
When we finally got to Tir, we had some elves there to welcome us. They took the cook I swore in my mind to kill someday for being so annoying, and then they noticed what I was. There was this elf-man with all this glitter and fancy clothes and a sword. He glowed in the Astral Plane. And then there were some other elves pointing their guns at me.
The elves told me to go down and put my hands behind my back. I figured I couldn't take on all the elves so I did what I was told. I memorized the glitter-dude, and he got to be in my to-kill- list. He was some paladin or knight or whatever. In my opinion he was a coward.
The elves examined me, took some blood and did some tests. Then they escorted me to the border. There the glitter-dude asked if he could do some other tests on me. He wanted to see me heal. I asked if the blood-tests weren't enough. He wanted to try a bigger wound. I put all the hatred and anger in the word “No”. I think he understood. They told me never to come back, or maybe try and get a permit next time and left. Cowards. I hate them.
I took a bus to Seattle.
When I got back home I found out that the blimp had spiraled down on some army-base in Seattle. And a month later Shrew s spirit told that it was some fairy with a katana who killed him. Yeah, apparently ally spirits don’t die permanently. They just go to their plane or wherever and heal there.
We got the reward, I got to put two names to my to-kill- list and then life went on like always.
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