Even though I am
physically strong and able to defend and take care of myself, I have
weaknesses. I have found out that me being a shapeshifter makes me weak to
gold. I have a very severe vulnerability. Gold wounds me. I have also heard
that other shifters are not vulnerable to gold, they are vulnerable to silver.
Leopard-shapeshifters have this unique vulnerability. I have not tried to touch
golden objects myself, but I believe it can be painful.
I have noticed
that living in the laboratory has left its marks on me as well. The constant
smell of disinfectant has burned itself inside my memories. Sometimes, when I
smell strong disinfectant, I return to the laboratory table. The memories are
so realistic that it makes me shiver, shake and cry. It makes me sick to think
about this. I’m a strong person, not a crybaby, but I can’t help it.
Other thing I think I got from the laboratory is claustrophobia. It is very difficult for me to go
inside small places. I hate sitting in a car or in an elevator. It makes me
edgy and jumpy and nervous. I find it difficult to make decisions or do
anything that needs focusing. It also kinda takes me back to the laboratory. I
feel trapped. I need to get out to think clearly.
I have noticed
that sharpening or cleaning my sword makes me feel calm. Whenever I don’t have
anything to do or something to focus on I need my sword. I sharpen it, I clean
it. If I’m not able to do that, I get very anxious and annoying. I think it was
from my days after the lab. I didn't know what to do, so I took knives and
other edged equipment and cleaned them. And Luis had taught me to sharpen them
too. I’m sure it had something to do with the fact that I’m feline. I like
sharpening my claws.
I have a very
good memory. Some people would say I have a photographic memory. I find it
useful. I have memorized the people’s eyes, and I will never forget them as
long as I live. I have also memorized some other faces during my life in
Seattle. I have an unofficial list I’m keeping, and I call it ”People to kill
before I die”. I have prioritized it. The first ones are my torturers, and then
some runners, an elf from the elf-country that seems to be a coward, and then,
of course, Billy. I don’t go by the lists order; I cross names when it’s
possible. Right now it seems that I will cross Billy’s name from there next.
But I’ll get to that later.
My sense of
timing is also very accurate. I think it goes back to the days in the
laboratory. I stared at the clock on the wall, counted seconds and wished I was
dead. I can just wait a while, and I can tell how many minutes have passed. That is
why I’m never late. I hate being late and now that I have a chance to affect my
goings; I will go by the clock. As a runner I have had many meetings with many
Mr. Johnson, and I have never been late. I might have been a bit unresponsive
or not very sociable, but I have been there.
I am also very
perceptive. I will notice many things other people don’t notice. Maybe it is
also from my days in the laboratory, or maybe I was born with it. I had to try and distract myself from the
pain. I counted seconds, I memorized the torturers eyes and voices, and I
noticed lots of differences. I could say if their voices were sure, or unsure.
I knew if they had something troubling them. I didn't know the reasons; I only
heard and saw the changes.
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